Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
