My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
