Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
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did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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