I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
