In the future we'll all be gay
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
