Cold hands, warm shart.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
nutella sex= disaster
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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