I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You really coming over, don't trick.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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