yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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