he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
