Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
