did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
No subtext here. People are naked.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
