this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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