I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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