My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Shitshow foam night was such a success
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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