OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
