I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
