Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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