Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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