I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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