we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It's blow job season.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
