just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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