me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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