Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize