I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
