who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
pop tarts are not kleenex
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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