Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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