I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
