This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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