Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
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Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
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You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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