Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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