Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
