random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
