we should wear snuggies to the strip club
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
