Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
