So drunk, too bad you don't want this
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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