My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
