dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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