The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
