last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
where are you?
Hypothermia
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
