I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
