its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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