dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
