I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
