i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
