Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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