So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
