so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
