Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
