just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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