I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
