Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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