I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
