Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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