Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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