I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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