She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
