hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
