i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
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He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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