I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
When are your genitals available?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
