I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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