Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
it glows. i had to have it.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
