I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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