Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
