OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
