Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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