The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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