CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
