apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
do herpes really smell.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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