Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
