i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
