Your dad touched me again.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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