Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You've changed since you got that strap on
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
