I CAN MOONWALK!
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
