I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
