It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
