My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
